To Haunt a Fool
by zat-writes
Summary: Church is dead. He is dead but he refuses to leave his home or let anyone live there without his permission. Modern/Ghost Au


Apartment 17-C was the home of the late Leonard Church. Despite being dead, his angry presence still lingered and anyone who moved in after his death reported events of violent paranormal activity. People reported everything from smashed plates, flipped furniture, sudden cold spots, and thrown books. Some even claimed to hear slamming doors throughout the night. No one made it long before they moved out.

As time went on, rumors spread and people stopped renting there all together. Only the incredibly stupid or completely insane would rent the notorious apartment 17-C. For a long time, no one even entered the building and Church's spirit was relatively peaceful. That is, until Michael J Caboose showed up.

The guy was new in town and clearly never heard the rumors about apartment 17-C. The landlord showed him around and Church followed them throughout the apartment. He was an unseen presence, but they both felt him ignored him, which only pissed him off even more.

"This is the master bedroom," the landlord said as he showed the idiot into the large, blue painted bedroom.

"No, it's my room," Church growled to himself, knowing that his voice was unheard by either of them. The apparition waited for both of them to enter before slamming the door shut with a loud bang.

The to-be tenant jumped and turned to the door. "What was that," he asked, his voice sounding startled.

"Oh, uh, it was nothing. The... the wind probably caught the door is all," the landlord lied through his teeth. Fortunately for him, Caboose was gullible.

"Oh, okay," the blonde said with a nod.

"I am not the fucking wind," Church hissed, opening the door and slamming it twice more.

"Th-that wind sure is... sure is crazy," the landlord went on, snagging the doorknob and holding it in place. His face lost color when he felt something trying to pull the door out of his grip. "So, uh, are you interested in renting here or what?"

The blonde paused and looked around the room before turning back to the landlord and giving a nod. "Sure," he said with a grin on his face.

"Great, let's get the paperwork signed and everything," the landlord said with a relieved smiled. He then yanked the young man out of the apartment by the sleeve, leaving the apparition alone in his old home.

"God fucking damnit," Church shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. Every door and cupboard in the house simultaneously opened and slammed shut as the spirit shouted with rage. "Not again, god damnit!"

It only took two days for the new tenant to begin moving his stuff into Church's home. Church, being an angry, vindictive spirit, did not even wait for Caboose to get comfortable before wreaked havoc. As Caboose brought in boxes, Church pushed them out the door whenever his back was turned. Once or twice he dumped the contents out on the floor, breaking a few things in the process.

Caboose, being a particular dense individual, simply thought a neighbor was playing tricks on him. He continued his move, which took a lot of energy with the moving boxes. Eventually, the fool managed to get his things inside. Unpacking was not much easier on the boy.

After a long day of moving in and unpacking his things over and over again, Caboose called it quits and headed to bed on an air mattress for the night. If he thought sleep was an option in Leonard's household, he was sorely mistaken.

Church waited until the idiot was asleep before yanking the pillow out from under his head. Caboose awoke with a start and looked around. The sleepy idiot sighed and found his pillow on the floor near his bed. When he reached for it, the pillow slid further away. While Caboose stared at the pillow in confusion, his bed began to move. It was dragged towards the wall, then pushed harshly back towards the opposing wall. The air mattress smacked into the wall with a pathetic thud. Caboose, who had clung to his bed for protection, whimpered in fear as he looked around for this unknown force.

"Is anyone there," he called with a shaky voice, sounding like a frightened child. He was not sure if he really wanted and answer or not, but he got one.

The bedroom door then opened with a long, agonizingly loud creak. Then it slammed shut. Caboose had no time to react before the door started to open and close quickly with loud slams. Soon the closet door joined in and the window shades too. The temperature in the room began to drop too, but that was the least of Caboose's worries.

The childlike man whimpered and hugged his knees. He hid under his covers and hoped that somehow they would protect him from this so called "crazy wind". Occasionally his bed would move again or the covers would get ripped away by the unknown presence. The sounds of creaking wooden floors and thumps on walls added to the loud slamming and unrest in the master bedroom.

Things did not die down until around midnight when Church list interest. Despite the sudden end to the paranormal event, Caboose was too scared to fall asleep, let alone move from his spot on his air mattress. Eventually he did manage to fall asleep again, but only for an hour or two.

The next morning, Caboose was greeted with eerie peace that was soon replaced with silent unease. The apparition began following Caboose around the moment he dared to get out of his bed. He could feel a cold chill behind him at all times and the hair on his neck standing on end. Occasionally he could hear a whisper but he could never make it out. Nor did he dare look back to see who it was.

As he began to unpack again, the events that transpired the day prior began to repeat themselves. Whenever he turned his back on something, it either wound up broken or packed away again. Boxes were move to door and things were flung across the room. Then the doors began slamming again. Before the clock even struck noon, the new tenant fled from his home out of fear.

Church felt triumphant for having scared Caboose right out the door, but knew that this was probably not the last he'd see of the blond idiot. Not with all his stuff still here. Of course Church could help with all of that.

When Caboose inevitably returned in the evening, he found every single box sitting outside the door. Even his air mattress was folded up set out on top of a box. As much as Michael wanted to leave right then and there, he had no other place to go. So he had no other choice but to go inside.

Caboose swallowed a lump in his throat as he passed through the doorway into the apartment. "E-excuse me, mister ghost," Caboose called with a trembling voice. "I- I don't have anywhere else to go. Can I please... please stay here until I find a new place? I don't want to sleep in my car."

"Too bad, buddy," Church scoffed from the other side of the living room. Like hell he'd let this idiot stay in this places without a fight.

"I'm going to bring my stuff inside so it doesn't get stolen but I won't unpack... okay," Michael called, looking around the seemingly empty apartment nervously. "Please be nice, mister Ghost."

"Keep dreaming, dipshit," Church sighed in exasperation as he watched the idiot exit to bring his things back inside. If Church was alive, he might have felt bad for the little moron. But he was dead. He was dead and very, very bitter about it.

That night, when Caboose went to bed on his air mattress(which he set up in the living room this time around), Church waited for him to drift off into a sound slumber before he started his next "attack". He started to open all of the doors with long, loud creaking sounds. Then, with one thought, every door slammed shut in unison. As Caboose woke with a start, Church flipped his mattress over entirely. He watched Caboose scramble out from under the mattress with wicked amusement before snagging him by the ankle. A cold chill ran up Caboose's leg and a whimper escaped as Church dragged him off into the dark by the leg.

Church snickered deviously as he pulled Caboose towards the hall closet, which was a walk in, and yanked him inside. The door slammed shut and locked from the outside. Church then released Caboose's leg and drifted through the door. From the outside, the ghost listened closely to the sweet, sweet sound of Caboose's childlike crying. Perhaps he enjoyed this a bit too much, but Church did not care. Caboose was the one who moved into his home when he clearly still lived here.

The next morning, Church unlocked the closet door and allowed it to swing open. The startled tenant wasted no time in bolting out of the apartment in his pajamas. Church watched with an evil smirk on his face, clearly proud of himself.

Later that night, Caboose returned again and the process started again. The idiot moved his stuff back inside and asked nicely to stay. Church waited until Caboose was finally asleep before throwing his tantrum and scaring the hell out of the childlike idiot. It always ended with Caboose being locked in the closet.

This cruel dance went on for three more days. On the third day, Caboose was home a lot sooner than usual. Church hoped it was to finally move his shit out of the apartment, unfortunately that was not the case.

Caboose had returned with a strange box under his arm. He did not bother to ask the ghost if he could stay or show signs of being afraid. Instead he appeared to be focused on something, like he was on a mission. The tall, blond fool sat in the center of the living room and set the box down in front of him. Church strolled over and peeked at the box as Caboose began to open it.

"Really? A fucking Ouija board," Church scoffed drily as he watched the moron set it up. "This guy is seriously fucking stupid."

Once the board was set up, Caboose placed his hands on the key and looked around. "Mister Ghost, are you here," he asked loudly.

Church rolled his eyes and sat down at the other end of the board. He glared daggers at the idiot as he reached over and pulled the key towards "Yes."

Caboose gasped and looked down at the key. "Why don't you want me to stay here," he asked loudly.

Church growled and quickly spelled out, "Because this is my home god damn, you fucking idiot."

It took Caboose awhile to put together what the letters spelled out. When he did, he frowned and went to ask another question. Before he could, the key began to spell out more. Church yanked the key to spell "Get out" over and over. He threw in harsh insults here or there and sometimes slung threats Caboose's way. Most of it was spelled too fast for Caboose to even catch it though.

"What's your name," Caboose asked loudly. The key stopped moving abruptly and nothing happened for a solid minute. Caboose cleared his throat and repeated his question once more. "What is your name?"

Church glanced between the blond and the Ouija board, surprised by the question. Usually when people spoke to him, they did not bother asking his name. They simply went ahead and asked him to leave. The apparition reluctantly reached for the key again and moved it to spell his name for the idiot.

"Leonard Church," Caboose repeated after the spirit spelled it out for him. "My name is Michael J Caboose. Do you mind if I call you Church?"

Church's eyes narrowed suspiciously as he tugged the key towards "No." What was this moron's game? What was he planning? Surely he was not trying to befriend the ghost who had been terrorizing him.

"Okay. Good. I like the name Church. Church is a good name. You can call me Caboose too by the way. Most people do anyway. I kinda like it. It's nice," the idopt rambled. "Anyway, I'm sorry I came into your home. I didn't know it was still yours. How long have you been here?"

Again, there was a pause as Church wondered what Caboose was getting at with all of this. Was this idiot even real? Like before, he reluctantly spelled out his answer.

"Oh wow. Twelve years is a long time. No wonder you don't want anyone here," Caboose marvelled at the answer. "How long have you been dead?"

"Ten years."

"How did you die, Church," Caboose asked. He sounded innocent but his words pissed Church off. He hated remembering his death. It was a sore subject

All of the door slammed in unison as Church spelled out, "I was shot."

Caboose frowned, looking like a sad puppy with a pouty lip and furrowed brows. He most certainly did not look cute. Not at all. "That's sad, Church. I am sorry," he apologized as if it were his fault someone killed him.

Church stared at Caboose with a raised brow and an uncertain look on his face. What was with this guy? Why was he so sad for the ghost that had been tormenting him? Surely he was only pretending to care to get on the spirit's good side. Maybe he was going to try and get Church to move on or leave the apartment like everyone else. Like hell he would leave after a few nice words.

"Church, what's it like being a ghost," Caboose asked, snapping the apparition from his thoughts before they turned violent. "Is it nice or is it not so nice?"

Church sighed and shook his head. He did not really know the answer. Being a ghost had its perks, but he would much rather be alive. With a shrug he spelled out "So-So."

"Has anyone talked to you since you died, Church?"

The spirit frowned and tugged the key towards "No." Nobody had tried talking to him since his death. Not unless you counted all the people who begged for their lives when he scared them. He certainly did not count them. Caboose was the first to ever try contacting him, and he was not sure if it was a smart thing or not. Most would think contacting the dead was just asking for trouble.

"That's sad. You must've been lonely. I know I don't like being alone for too long," Caboose said with that stupid pouty lip again. "I can talk to you if you want me to."

Church paused and contemplated the offer. While he was certain Caboose was not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, Church had been alone for ten years and maybe he could use the companionship. Then again, maybe this was just a way to weasel into his sweet apartment.

"Fine," the key spelled out slowly. Church hoped he would not regret this decision. If he did, he could always go back to ruining the blond's life until he left.

After that, Caboose and Church talked and talked and talked. Caboose asked Church many questions about who he use to be and learned a lot about who he was. Church did little asking himself, but he learned enough about Caboose through his ramblings about life back home with all of his sisters. They easily lost track of time and before they knew it, Caboose was exhausted and ready for bed.

Church allowed Caboose to stay here for the night only(or so he told himself). Unlike the past few days, the ghost did not disturb Caboose as he slept. For the first time since Caboose had moved in, Church noticed how cute he looked when he slept. Of course the thought was pushed away immediately.

In the morning, Caboose woke up and pulled out the Ouija board and said good morning to Church. They talked awhile before Caboose went to make himself breakfast. Church watched him as he made himself breakfast. He watched him eat. He even watched him clean his plate. Part of Church was still questioning Caboose's motions, but the other part was almost happy to have the company. Almost.

Caboose sat at the Ouija board throughout the day, holding casual conversations with the ghost whenever he had the time. He left to go apply for jobs and returned later that day. They talked again and Church watched him prepare dinner.

This cycle repeated itself for the next few months. Caboose would talk to Church through the Ouija board throughout the day(growing less frequent when he got a job). Church would watch him as he did chores. After awhile, Church allowed Caboose to move his things in without immediately packing them up again. Slowly but surely, Church began to trust Caboose.

One day, on Caboose's day off, he and Church were talking through the Ouija board when he got an idea. Caboose was practically giddy with excitement over this brilliant thought.

"Church! I read that Ghosts can show up in pictures. Do you want to take a picture with me so I can see what you look like," Caboose asked eagerly. The tall, blond man was practically bouncing in his seat on his old love seat.

Church watched from where he sat on the coffee table with a smile as the goofball bounced with excitement while awaiting his answer. The ghost rolled his eyes and moved the Ouija key towards "Yes" and watched Caboose's face light up. The blond squealed and scrambled to pull his phone out of his pocket. While Caboose opened up the camera app, Church sat next to him and leaned over to fit into the selfie. Caboose snapped the picture and immediately went to check it.

In the picture beside Caboose was a faint, but irrefutable figure. He looked transparent and pale, but Caboose could see him none the less. Church had short but shaggy hair and a beard with bushy eyebrows and black glasses over his eyes. His build was a bit more hefty and thick than Caboose's and he appeared to be shorter, but he was quite attractive.

"Church! You're so pretty," Caboose gasped, staring at the ghostly figure beside him.

"Pretty, huh," Church laughed at the strange complement. He had been called handsome before, but never pretty. It was an unusual word to be associated with a scruffy guy like himself, but he took it. If Caboose thought he was pretty, the Church was one pretty mother fucker.

"Church, I cannot believe how pretty you are," Caboose continued. "I can't believe how pretty my best friend is!"

"I can't believe you think I'm pretty when you're clearly the pretty one here," he said, knowing Caboose could not hear him. "With those big, doe eyes and that button nose and sandy curls."

Church laughed and leaned back on the couch with an arm draping over Caboose's shoulder. Caboose shivered at the cold feeling over his neck. By now he was use to Church's ghostly touches, but they still made his skin tingle. He had grown to like the cold, disembodied touches Church gave him when they hung out.

"Hey, Church... do you... do you miss having a body," Caboose asked slowly, looking towards where he guessed the ghost was sitting.

Church frowned and looked at Caboose with furrowed brows. With a sigh and a nod, Church reached over to the Ouija key and moved it to "Yes" again. Caboose glanced at the board and give him that pouty look he would get when he pitied the spirit. The blond's face lit up after a moment however and Church knew that Caboose had gotten another idea.

"Church, can't ghosts take control of people," Caboose asked. "You can take control of my body and feel what it's like to be alive again and maybe eat a cookie because they're good and I bet you miss them."

"Possession... I've never tried it before," Church muttered to himself as a hand went up to scratch at the chin. On one hand, he really did miss occupying a physical form. On the other, he was not sure if possession had any side effects that might harm Caboose. He really did like the idea of being inside Caboose's body though. The guy was tall and buff. He somehow looked like a professional athlete and also a doe eyed teen at the same time.

"...Church?"

The Ouija key moved away from, then back to yes. Caboose smiled and nodded, getting comfortable in his seat. "Okay, Church. I'm ready," Caboose said as he closed his eyes.

Church let out a long sigh and turned towards Caboose. He was not really sure how to do this, so he just reached out and willed his hand to pass through Caboose's chest. When that worked and he felt the warmth inside, Church scooted over until he was sitting in the same spot as Caboose. Inside him. It took a moment, but Church took control of Caboose's body.

He took a deep breath and held it for a moment before slowly exhaling, savoring the feeling of breathing for the first time since he died. It felt good to be alive again, even if he was only borrowing someone else's body. Moreover, it felt good to be inside Caboose. His body had a warm, welcoming aura to it and made Church feel happier than before. More at peace.

Church stretched out Caboose's arms and stood on his unsteady legs. It took only a moment to get use to Caboose's body. "Damn, Caboose is tall," he said, his voice sounding liked Caboose's. "He's buff too," he added as he felt one of Caboose's biceps.

Church let his hands drop to his sides as he gave Caboose's body a look down from a first person perspective. He turned his head and took a look at the rear view. As much as he wanted to deny it, Caboose was gorgeous.

The spirit glanced around cautiously, afraid he would be caught somehow, as his hands reached back and touched Caboose's supple backside with the hands he now controlled. He took a moment to feel up his friend's rear end before deciding to knock it off and have a cookie like Caboose had suggested.

It had been forever since he had eaten anything, he nearly forgot how nice it was. He found that he missed the little things most after he died. Even a simple stack of off-brand oreos felt like a wondrous gift from the gods.

"What else can I do before I give Caboose his body back," Church pondered out loud with a mouthful of sandwich cookie. "What else do I miss doing?"

As much as he would like to do everything he use to take for granted when he was alive, Church did not want to get greedy. So he decided on something simple. He would go for a walk around the block and see the world outside the apartment.

It was brisk outside, but Church welcomed the cool fall air. He had not felt anything for so long he did not care about any measly chill. Church only cared about seeing the block he use to walk everyday. He soaked in the surroundings as he walked down the cracked sidewalk. Not much had changed, yet everything felt so different, but ten years being trapped in an apartment would do that to you.

"I forgot how nice it was around here," Church murmured to himself when he passed the old library his apartment was near. The sidewalks were old, but so was this part of town. Every building had a story and every street corner too.

Unfortunately, the walk came to an end much sooner than Church had thought. Time seemed to fly when he was exploring the area he use to know like the back of his hand. As much as he wanted to go for another lap around the block, Church felt he had hijacked Caboose's body for long enough.

So he returned to apartment 17-C and sat Caboose's body back down on the couch. With one last long, sweet exhale, Church relinquished control and gave Caboose his body back.

The blond opened his eyes and shivered as Church sat beside him. His whole body felt cold. Inside and out. Probably from having a dead guy inside of him. Caboose shrugged the thought away and donned that goofy grin he always wore.

"Did you have fun, Church," he asked with a squeak in his voice. "Did you like being inside me?"

Church laughed at the other's accidental innuendo, and smiled fondly at the goofball beside him. "I sure did, buddy," he said aloud as he leaned over and spelled it out on the Ouija board. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome, Church. You can use my body any time," Caboose cheered, practically bouncing in his seat. "You just gotta ask."

"I'll have to take him up on that offer," Church said to himself as he watched Caboose celebrate in his seat. There was a kind, caring tone to his voice that only he could hear, but it was there. "Dude's body is fine."

Weeks later, after many body hijackings, Church had come to realize a few things. One, he loved being Caboose. His body was fantastic and the brief tastes of life were always worthwhile. Two, he really cared about Caboose. Hell, he hated to admit it but he was in love with that stupidly adorable little twit.

After years of living in bitter solitude, someone finally reached out to him to be a friend rather than to try and get rid of him. After years of being alone, he had someone to talk to. Of course he just had to fall stupidly in love with Caboose.

How would a love between a ghost and a living being ever work he wondered after the realization that he was smitten. They could not hold hands or kiss, at least not like normal, living couples could. They could not sleep together or hold each other. They could try and make it work, but Church was dead and Caboose was not. He could not possibly be the boyfriend Caboose deserved. It would be selfish if he tried to shackle that blond beauty into a dead-end relationship.

Then again, Church had always been a little selfish.

The apparition waited impatiently for Caboose to return from work. He passed the time by straightening out the messy living room and getting out the Ouija board for them. He wanted to be able to speak to Caboose asap. He was ready to romance that loveable idiot.

Caboose did not come home that night. Or the next. Or the next. As Church waited, he grew more and more worried. Where could Caboose have gone for three days? Had he ditched Church? Left him all alone again? The thought tore Church up inside.

Just when Church had himself convinced that Caboose had likely left him, he heard the front door open. "Church," rang that sweet voice.

The spirit grinned and bolted through the walls between the master bedroom and the living room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Caboose and, if he still had a pulse, his heart would have stopped. Tears welled in Church's eyes as he hand went up to cover his mouth in shock.

Caboose stood before Church, transparent and as pale as Church himself. He was dead.

"Wh-what happened to you," Church asked, sounding horrified.

"I, uh, got hit by a car and the doctors were trying to save me but they couldn't," Caboose replied nervously. "I'm sorry I was gone so long and I'm sorry you can't borrow my body anymore."

"Caboose, you fucking idiot, I don't care about that," Church snapped, his voice a bit harsher than intended. The tears threatened to fall, but he willed them back as he approached Caboose with arms out stretched. He took his newly-departed friend into a tight hug and buried his face into the crook of his neck. "You're fucking dead and now you're like me now. Fuck. It's like you don't even care."

"I do care... and yeah, being dead is bad, but now I can hang out with you... so there's that," Caboose shrugged as he held Church. "We can finally hug and talk without that board game and I can hear your pretty voice now too."

"Aren't you even a little fucking scared of being dead," Church asked with a sniffle, giving Caboose a squeeze.

"Well... I was... but I have you here with me and I don't have to be scared when I'm with you," Caboose answered with a shrug.

Church sighed and cracked a smile at Caboose's logic. While he was sad Caboose had died, he could at least be happy that he would never be alone again. Which reminded him or something...

"Hey, Caboose, I know this probably isn't the best timing, but I'm kinda in love with you. So, uh, you wouldn't mind being my boyfriend, would you," he asked, pulling away just enough to look Caboose in those big, doe eyes of his.

Caboose smiled and nodded quickly. "I love you too, Church, so the answer is yes. I will be your boyfriend and we will be the best ghost boyfriends forever," the blind giggled, letting his forehead rest against Church's.

"Best ghost boyfriends forever," Church repeated fondly, finally happy after years of bitter anger.

Years later, apartment 17-C had become famous for its spirits and the love that bound them together.


End file.
